oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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