I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
