Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
