I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
