I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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