I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she woke up with a sticky ear
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
