i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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