I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
