and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
