The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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