I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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