Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
