U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
No more Irish car bombs ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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