Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
