No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
