Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
