Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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