So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
