she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
