I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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