So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
