oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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