bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
