Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i now understand why vodka
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
