Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
