what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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