Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
