I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
