i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
