i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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