oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
