i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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