thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
