Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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