i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
