i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
did i walk over a car last night?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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