I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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