Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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