now i know why i became what i already was.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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