I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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