why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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