Kiss
Puke
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
