Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Someone came in the potted fern
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
