A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We don't watch enough power rangers
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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