laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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