No, you can still breathe under the balls.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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