Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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