I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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