Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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