i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
