If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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