I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
