so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So much rum. So many feels.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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