I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
