dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
