we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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